Lying to yourself is what's holding you back

Here’s the deal: the biggest thing holding you back from making progress is usually your own self-deception. It’s not the truth that hurts us—it’s pretending things aren’t what they really are. If you want to move forward, you’ve got to get real with yourself.

James Stockdale, a U.S. Navy pilot who was captured and held as a prisoner during the Vietnam war endured seven years of torture and harsh conditions, but survived by embracing what’s now called the “Stockdale Paradox”.

The idea of facing brutal facts while holding onto hope. He didn’t sugar-coat anything, but he also never lost faith that he’d make it out. That mindset is what got him through the darkest days of his life. He persisted in telling himself he was about to face his toughest ever challenge without any guarantee of freedom in the future. Finally through sheer determination Stockdale managed to stay alive until he was released in 1973.

James Stockdale (second from left) in POW camp in Hanoi, North Vietnam, a week before his release in February 1973. Stockdale was held as a prisoner of war in the Hoa Lo Prison for seven and a half years.

In my own life, accepting the reality of my infertility struggle was tough, but it was necessary. I had to stop hoping things would magically work out and instead face the truth that I wouldn’t biologically be able to have my own child. Once I did that, I was able to move forward instead of staying stuck living in denial of the situation that wasn’t getting me anywhere.

The stoic philosopher Epictetus said,

“It’s impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.”

Being honest with yourself opens the door to real growth, even though it might be uncomfortable at first there's no other way to improve.

My Challenge to you

What truth are you avoiding? The longer you avoid it, the longer you stay stuck. Face it head-on, and you’ll find the strength to move forward.

Stay Resilient, 

Ro